I recently read a debate on BBC news online about changing babies’ nappies.
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The author, Ashitha Nagesh, referred to an interview with Deanne Carson on Australia’s ABC News on May 8.
Carson talked about the importance of setting up a culture of consent in the home and used the example of informing babies and seeking their consent before changing their nappies.
Many people reacted to this with ridicule, arguing that babies cannot give consent, and when I looked at the survey at the end of the article 74 per cent of people ticked the choice in the survey that stated: “No, like most parents you likely just want to get rid of the poo as quickly as possible.”
I found that overwhelming response rather sad. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be so powerless that some person can come swooping down, take me away from what I am doing and start taking off my clothes, all without my consent.
Now I accept that babies need us to do things for them because they cannot do these things for themselves. However, I also know that positive emotional development, mental health and self-esteem all develop through the way we interact with young children.
Learning to make choices early in life gives children the ability to make harder choices as they grow older.
We offer children choices as much as we can; choices of course within their capacity to make reasonable decisions.
We don’t ask one-year-olds if they want a cheque or a savings account. We do offer them a cup of water and a cup of milk and give them the one they reach towards, using words to help identify the choices. “Here is water (moving the cup towards a child a little) and here is milk (doing the same with the cup of milk). Which would you like? You are reaching for the water. Okay, here it is.”
Having a choice, being able to make a decision from a very early age is one of the most important elements contributing to healthy mental and emotional wellbeing.
Learning to make choices early in life gives children the ability to make harder choices as they grow older. “Do I throw this brick through a window or do I poke my tongue out instead?”
Now let’s come back to the nappy example. I recommend that we talk to children and tell them what we are planning to do. “It’s nappy change time. I’m going to pick you up and we’ll go change your nappy.” Then pause, watch the baby for a reaction, perhaps repeating “nappy change” and lightly touching the nappy.
If you get no response, then proceed, pick up the baby and say as you are moving towards the change area: “Okay we are off to change your nappy.”
Of course the advantage in talking to children, telling them what is going on, is not only are you teaching them to communicate what they want/don’t want, you are also teaching them language – the baby is learning words such as nappy change.
If you get some kind of negative reaction (the baby screwing up the face or turning away) you might chose to persist: “You are saying no nappy change. I can smell a poo-ey nappy. You will feel much better if I change your nappy. Are you ready? Shall we go change and make you feel better?” Pause and wait for the response.
An ongoing negative reaction must be respected. “Okay you don’t want a change now. I’ll come back in a few minutes and see if you are ready then. Bye for now.”
Does it really matter if we have a smelly nappy for a few minutes longer if, in the process, children learn how to make decisions, and feel good about themselves in the process?
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