Unfortunately for many of our children, being bullied is part of this experience. The Bullying. No Way! Website reports that as many as one in every four Australian children between Years 4 and 9 report they have been bullied every few weeks, and most children who are bullied online are also bullied in person.

That means that many families here in Armidale are trying to support one of their children who is being bullied.

The most common form of bullying our children experience is hurtful teasing and most of the time the bullying happens in the presence of other children. Unfortunately these bystanders often do nothing about the bullying they are witnessing, usually because they are scared of becoming targets themselves if they intervene.

There is now evidence that children who are targets of bullying at school are at a greater risk of continuing to be targets of bullying in their adult life. Research suggests that children who are bullied in primary school tend to also be bullied in secondary school and in their workplace as adults.

Some theories try to explain bullying by identifying characteristics in the targets as key contributors. Children (and adults) who do not initiate hostile interactions, but who expect others to be hostile towards them, and thus respond in a more hostile manner (often because they have already been bullied and have learned to expect others to be hostile towards them) are more often the targets of bullies.

Children who are highly anxious and withdrawn are often seen as unable to defend themselves and thus tend to be targeted more often. Children who have been bullied are more likely to be depressed and it is thought that depressive behaviours are also more likely to elicit bullying.

These theories suggest that friends play an important role in countering bullying. Bullying is likely to decrease when friends provide moral support. Providing positive feedback and friendship help targets feel better about themselves and lessen depression.

There is a strong link between lower levels of depression and less bullying.

However these theories are all part of a “blame the victim” way of looking at bullying.

One alternative way of thinking about bullying focuses instead on positioning bullying as a somewhat “normal” stage of development either where children are experimenting with behaviours they will use to define who they are, or simply that their brains have not yet developed the empathy necessary to understand how their behaviour impacts on others. Using this way of understanding bullying, we can reduce bullying by making sure that we teach children the strategies they can use to think about how their behaviour impacts on others.

Even very young children can be taught to first identify their own emotions, then identify these same emotions in others, and supported to think about how their behaviour has impacted on another child (Johnny is crying. He is sad because you took the toy from him. How do you think we can help Johnny feel better?).

Another approach is to examine the ways in which the environment facilitates or impedes bullying behaviours. When we claim we have a zero tolerance for bullying, do we actually act that way? It is not uncommon for services to make the claim but either do nothing to support children to learn alternative ways of interacting, or actually model bullying behaviour in their own interactions.

It is important that adults acknowledge children who report bullying, and do not dismiss their fears as something they’ll get over, have to learn to manage, or just something that is too hard.

We need to examine what supports are available to help all children learn how to interact with each other (Johnny look at Jo. He looks frightened. When you shouted at him your loud voice made him feel scared. What do you think we should do to help him feel safe?).

We need to model in our own behaviour how to think about the impact of what we do and say on others. We need to identify behaviours and name them. We need to truly live up to our claims that our homes and our services are no-bullying zones.